In this weeks’ podcast episode, we talk about heartbreak; how we got over it, what it really means, how we moved on, and the valuable lessons we’ve gained from that. In all honesty, there is no timeline for how long it takes to get over a broken heart. There is no right or wrong way to get over heartbreak. We all cope very differently. That’s why I don’t want to use this as “10 ways to get over heartbreak” or some listicle that would do you no good.
The only one thing I can tell you is getting over any sort of breakup or divorce depending on what kind of relationship you had or how things ended, is never going to be easy. Some of us may use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, while others will do the complete opposite and immerse themselves deep in that pain until it’s gone. Some stop eating and some eat everything they can put their hands on. Some talk it out and others bottle it in.
Regardless of what you do, you’ll feel deeply. You’ll miss the love that once was and you’ll go through all the stages of heartbreak. Some will last longer than others. But the most important thing about any heartbreak is the lessons you’ll learn from it. Once the clouds start to lift, you’ll begin to see things in a new light.
The most important thing I got out of my breakups was truly having insight into whom I really am and all the things I was capable of. It was as if I shed a whole layer of myself and I was free to experience the world in a new light. We sometimes forget that heartbreak is a chance for us to start over. To learn and to grow and to become better versions of ourselves. Whether the end of the relationship was your fault or your exes fault or it was a mutual decision for both of you, this is your chance to really learn about yourself.
The saddest thing about a breakup is that afterward, we look for ways to fill the void. Some of us will put ourselves back out there right away because we can’t deal with feeling alone. We don’t allow ourselves the time to think, the time to feel. We need something to make us forget the pain, which to me is like putting a bandaid on a very open wound. A wound that really needs stitching but we can’t be bothered to go through the process. Think of each of those stitches as a lesson you should have been learning, but instead, you chose to put a bandaid on it, drown yourself in a distraction, and couldn’t grow at the same rate as you would have otherwise had you given yourself the time to feel.
The greatest gift you could give yourself is the opportunity to learn and grow within yourself. Our identity gets so wrapped up in our relationships that we forget who we are as individuals. Think about the person you truly want to be and think about all the things you want to accomplish in your life. Now is the time to do it. And yes, I know I’ve been there. Sometimes it’s hard to pick yourself up, to get out of bed, and to get moving, but you honestly need to force yourself. It’s hard at first, but once you take that first step in the right direction, you’ll thank yourself for getting started.
Let’s not lie about it. Growth is painful. I like to look at it this way. I’ve always wanted to learn to do a split. Every day, I spend 5 minutes trying to do a split to see how low I can get. It’s the most uncomfortable feeling ever. Sometimes it’s downright painful, BUT every week, I notice my progress. I get a little bit lower to the floor each time and I’m more flexible. Look at your heartbreak in the same way. Take all the time you need. Cry and wallow it out. Eat ice cream, drink if you want to, cry to your friends, kiss some randoms. But always remember, there are still lessons to be learned, and one day you’ll have to bite the bullet and accept what’s coming. Think about you 1 year from now and where you’d like to be in life and start moving in that direction.
Spend time alone in your thoughts. Like that split, it will be uncomfortable. However, the more you do it, the more you learn about yourself and figure out your purpose and the type of person you want to become. Slowly, you’ll start to find new hobbies, learn a new skill, and do some internal soul searching. You’ll learn your dislikes and you’ll fall in love with yourself over and over again. And then when the time is right, when you’ve accomplished all that you need to, you’ll move on. You’ll find love again with someone new as a different more enlightened version of yourself. And just think, you won’t be in a relationship you forced yourself to be in just to get over your ex. Cause we all know how those turn out…
Also, I highly recommend that you take a few personality quizzes to try and figure yourself out. If you’re unsure of an answer (based on who you truly are vs who you wish to be) ask a close friend or family member to confirm it for you.
As always, if you need to talk, feel free to leave a comment here, drop me a DM, or head to the Facebook group. And tune into the podcast to listen to more conversations!
Lots of love xx
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